How do moms always know when their kids are hiding something? How are they able to immediately pick up on the fact that you\u2019re preoccupied with a problem? It might just come down to their secret “mom instincts,” but research has also shown that women are more perceptive to body language than men (Pease & Pease, 2004; Queendom.com, 2010).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pease and Pease (2004) summed up body language best: It’s “an outward reflection of a person’s emotional condition.” So in order to understand body language, one needs to be able to “spot the contradictions between someone’s words and their body language.” Thankfully, the Peases offered 3 helpful rules in The Definitive Book of Body Language<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Just like a cigar is sometimes just a cigar, sometimes an individual gesture is just a gesture. I cross my arms because I find it comfortable. It doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that I\u2019m feeling hostile or self-conscious. But if my arms are crossed, my jaw is clenched, my posture is stiff, and my voice is curt, there\u2019s a good chance that I\u2019m not in a good mood. Gestures come in a group, and need to be viewed the same way as a group of words in a sentence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Pay attention not just to what someone says, but to what their body is saying. Words can tell one story, while gestures reveal another. As Pease & Pease point out, here’s an example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Sigmund Freud once reported that while a patient was verbally expressing happiness with her marriage, she was unconsciously slipping her wedding ring on and off her finger. Freud was aware of the significance of this unconscious gesture and was not surprised when marriage problems began to surface. (p. 23).<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n Body language is really hard to fake. Our words may not betray us but our bodies often will. You\u2019ve probably run into this situation a few times: <\/p>\n\n\n\n Your friend Elise has a big, nerve-wracking task ahead\u2014maybe a job interview, asking for a raise, or even testifying in court. You ask if she’s nervous, and she insists she’s totally fine. But her body says otherwise: her eyes dart around, she fidgets nonstop, and she keeps glancing at the door as if plotting her escape. The message is clear\u2014her words and her body are out of sync.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Body language, like words, can easily be taken out of context. A memorable example comes from Nelson Mandela’s memorial service, when President Barack Obama, British Prime Minister David Cameron, and Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt snapped a lighthearted selfie. Observers noted that First Lady Michelle Obama sat nearby with pursed lips, a clenched jaw, stiff posture, and her body angled away\u2014cues that many interpreted as disapproval of the playful moment. The photo went viral as a “caught in the act” moment of disapproval. Yet reports later revealed she had been smiling and taking selfies herself just minutes earlier. The takeaway? Body language needs to be read as a cluster of signals and in its broader context<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Reading body language is a skill you can build through coaching. With practice, you’ll not only spot signals more accurately, but also avoid misreads that could hurt trust. Ready to sharpen your perception? Book<\/a> a free 20-minute consultation with one of our coaches.<\/p>\n\n\n\n References<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n Pease, A., & Pease, B. (2004). The Definitive Book of Body Language<\/em>. Australia: Pease International. Retrieved from http:\/\/e-edu.nbu.bg\/pluginfile.php\/331752\/mod_resource\/content\/0\/Allan_and_Barbara_Pease_-_Body_Language_The_Definitive_Book.pdf<\/a><\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\nRule 1: Read gestures in clusters. <\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Rule 2: Look for congruence.<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Rule 3: Read gestures in context<\/strong>.<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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