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Studies carried out with adolescents reveal that the most feared interpersonal situations are those that require assertive behavior.
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Assertiveness is the ability to express opinions, thoughts, and wishes in a clear, direct way, even if there's the potential for rejection or disagreement. So what makes one person assertive and another cower in the corner at the mere thought of voicing their opinion? Like most personality traits, there is no easy answer - assertiveness is affected by a wide variety of factors and can even change throughout one's life. The way a person's parents and other role models taught him/her to stand up for himself/herself, the reactions received when he/she did, along with various biological factors and personality traits, all play a role. Regardless of the cause however, there is no doubt that assertiveness is a quality that can be taught and developed. Passive participants on life's stage can learn to go after what they want.
There is a delicate balance between constructive and aggressive assertiveness. While it's healthy and necessary to stand up for oneself, there is always the danger of coming across as hostile, demanding, or even manipulative. Unassertiveness can result in being a pushover but over-assertiveness may drive others away. The Assertiveness Test is a useful tool for evaluating the situations in which John is most comfortable asserting himself. Look into his scores in Ability to speak for self, Handling assertive/strong people, Comfort with vulnerability, and Subservience to see where his strengths and limitations are.
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